It’s the right time of year to be talking about how difficult new habits can be to establish. Many people will be struggling this week to keep to the New Year’s Resolutions they set themselves at the weekend. Here’s a few thoughts and suggestions to get you through.
Now, if I’m honest, I find myself inwardly sighing when people start talking and asking me about New Year’s Resolutions. There is a popular meme around them that no-one ever keeps to them, people who think they are above it all say they’re pointless and suggest its sort of an uncool thing to do “Ugh, self improvement”.
Also, I’m the kind of person who loves creating new habits and changing, improving and progressing myself and my life. This isn’t a once a year thing for me, I try to do it all the time. My idea of a great bedtime read is Gretchen Rubin’s Better than Before - what I learned about making and breaking habits. So I feel a teensy bit like those Indie teenagers did in the 1990s when Indie suddenly became mainstream and they were like “but I’ve been following this stuff for years!”
When I’m struggling with motivation in the early of any new habit, I find it helpful to remember that the most difficult time for forming habits is the first three weeks (and in particular days 4-9, of more below). It takes about three weeks for something new to become a normal part of your routine. After that time your brain is familiar with it, its made those new connections which oil the wheels of habits, and it feels a fairly natural thing to do. It feels comforting and familiar to do whatever it is you’re trying to do - to drink a glass of water when you get up, to cook each evening meal from scratch, to be kinder to your spouse.
But the first three weeks are tough, because you’re running against what feels normal, your brain hasn’t got used to things yet and it all feels confusing and unfamiliar. I remember when I first started running every day before work. The first time I did it my brain went haywire. “Why are you putting your running clothes on? We have to go to work.” “Why are you turning the opposite way at the end of the road, that isn’t the way to the train station!” “You’re wasting time, we’ve got work to be getting on with!” It felt a totally crazy thing to do. Now, I run every day before work and it feels like the most natural thing in the world (Ok, that’s a slight overstatement as I don’t particularly like running - I do it to give my dog and myself exercise - but its fully a part of my routine and I don’t think twice about it).
I think days 4-9 are the most challenging. I’m currently on day 3 (my habit plans started on my first working day back after NY) and saying that feels a slight betrayal of my current slightly worn down state. Day 3 is hard as well. But (say it quietly) I feel pretty confident day 4 will be worse. Here’s why.
The first day is a shock to the system, but ultimately, its all still quite exciting. You’ve got these great new resolutions, new habits, they’re going to change your world. You can’t wait to get cracking on them, and to become the fabulous new person they’re bound to turn you in to. It’s a bit tough but hey, its worth it!
Day 2 and 3, reality starts to sink in a bit. It was quite tiring doing all that new stuff yesterday. You’ve got to motivate yourself to do it again today? “I guess this was never meant to be easy”, you tell yourself. You still feel sufficiently connected with the reasons you decided to do any of this anyway that you can get yourself through.
Then day 4 hits. Man this is hard. You’ve been pulling yourself through for three days now, and over the next 5 days it doesn’t start to feel any easier - any more familiar - but you get gradually further and further away from the moment you made the commitment to do it. The reasons you thought this was such a great idea start to fade. Your brain hasn’t got used to it yet. You’ve not built up sufficient stocks of doing the habit to feel proud of your routine. It’s just tough. This is the time where you just have to keep going.
Just. Keep. Going.
Life gets easier around day 9, as you start to associate yourself as someone who does this stuff and feel good about the days you have under your belt.
And the magic day 21 is just round the corner.
